By Dr. Katie Tolle
Forgiveness is a big idea and can even be overwhelming. Sometimes it can seem that forgiveness is impossible, even unhealthy. There can be all kinds of reasons to forgive or not and it is typically an extremely emotional decision. From my perspective forgiveness is a process that requires introspection, awareness of one's own experience/emotions, and patience. It is most definitely not something that you can often skip to the last step, in particular if you have been wounded deeply.
The reason I think that forgiveness can sometimes be controversial is due to misunderstanding what it is and what it is not. Forgiveness does not mean that what happened was okay or that the person in need of forgiveness even deserves it. This is not a just or fair world and I think that forgiveness can be a reminder of that fact. It is my belief that forgiveness is for the person wronged, not the perpetrator. When we hold onto the pain that has been inflicted on us, we do not hurt the person that hurt us, only ourselves.
It is also my belief that forgiveness is necessary in order to have long-term and fulfilling relationships. I believe this because I am not aware of anyone that I love who has not hurt me at one point or another. In order for our relationship to continue and to grow I had to come to a place of forgiveness. The relationship will not be exactly the same but with any luck the relationship will become stronger because each of us have come to a different understanding of one another and trust that the relationship is important enough to work through difficult situations.
With any difficulty there is an opportunity. Without forgiveness you may be missing out on an opportunity to learn, cultivate relationships, and grow. It is so important to be open to the process and to learn to acknowledge your feelings and to let it go so that you can move forward. If you or anyone you are close to needs any help with forgiveness please contact us.
Forgiveness is a big idea and can even be overwhelming. Sometimes it can seem that forgiveness is impossible, even unhealthy. There can be all kinds of reasons to forgive or not and it is typically an extremely emotional decision. From my perspective forgiveness is a process that requires introspection, awareness of one's own experience/emotions, and patience. It is most definitely not something that you can often skip to the last step, in particular if you have been wounded deeply.
The reason I think that forgiveness can sometimes be controversial is due to misunderstanding what it is and what it is not. Forgiveness does not mean that what happened was okay or that the person in need of forgiveness even deserves it. This is not a just or fair world and I think that forgiveness can be a reminder of that fact. It is my belief that forgiveness is for the person wronged, not the perpetrator. When we hold onto the pain that has been inflicted on us, we do not hurt the person that hurt us, only ourselves.
It is also my belief that forgiveness is necessary in order to have long-term and fulfilling relationships. I believe this because I am not aware of anyone that I love who has not hurt me at one point or another. In order for our relationship to continue and to grow I had to come to a place of forgiveness. The relationship will not be exactly the same but with any luck the relationship will become stronger because each of us have come to a different understanding of one another and trust that the relationship is important enough to work through difficult situations.
With any difficulty there is an opportunity. Without forgiveness you may be missing out on an opportunity to learn, cultivate relationships, and grow. It is so important to be open to the process and to learn to acknowledge your feelings and to let it go so that you can move forward. If you or anyone you are close to needs any help with forgiveness please contact us.
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